I need help surviving the Daddy phase with my 3-year-old, it’s emotionally killing me.
I don’t say that lightly, but honestly, I want to cry she is so brutal some days.
I know she doesn’t know how much she’s hurting me, and it’s also utterly exhausting on Daddy when we’re both around, but we can’t wait for this phase to be over.
If we’re both off, which is a novelty because we tend to work opposites, she only wants Daddy to get her up in the morning, only wants Daddy to get her milk and breakfast, only wants Daddy to get her dress, to do her hair, to do her shoes, to put on her jacket, we’ll be in the car and she’ll only want Daddy to drive, to talk to – and actually say ‘I’m talking to Daddy, not you’ if I try to answer, the list goes on. When Daddy’s at work all I get all day is ‘I want Daddy’.
Some people have said ‘I’m living the dream’, but far from it for 2 reasons:
- Jon does far more than the ‘average’ father – I’m making this comparison based on friends I’ve seen. He fully co-parents and does a lot of the cleaning, practically all of the shopping too – pushing a trolley full of food and a 2-year-old sends my pain skyrocketing, and honestly, he’d rather I wasn’t there as it’s quicker and cheaper (his words). So, her only wanting him adds so much to what he already does. He never complains. Although, I know he’d like me to ‘adult’ more often.
- This is emotionally exhausting for us both – I hate that my own daughter won’t let me do anything, or even comfort her on some days, he hates that he sees how much it hurts me.
If another person tells me it’s just a phase – I may punch them. These phases when you’re deep in them feel like they’ll never end. Colic was a phase, but fracking hell it felt like it was going to be the death of us. I hate it when people try to use that as an excuse to push aside the hurt, or exhaustion. Technically, everything is a phase – I’ve barely had a full nights sleep in 3 years – that’s a long phase. I’ve had multiple Skoda’s over the past 10 years – it’s a phase.
A mum ‘friend’ (our kids are friends) is going through the opposite her kid only wants her, and she doesn’t get at all how upsetting it is for her husband – she told him to get over it. I challenged her to think how she’d feel if her kid never wanted her, her response – it’s just a phase he needs to get on with it. Shit, why hadn’t I thought of that!
I don’t know when we’ll come out of the other side, but I cherish the cuddles, the snuggles, and the spontaneous kisses and I love you’s. I’ve burnt dinner because I’ve not wanted to end the snuggles because I don’t know when the next one will come along.
I try to remember she’s three and she doesn’t know it hurts me.
Does anyone have any tips to help survive the daddy phase?