Bedtime is becoming such a joke with my 3 1/2-year-old. The relentless questions, requests when she’s in bed is beyond a joke. Something that used to be fun is turning in to my most dreaded part of the day. Honestly, I’m losing my shit at my toddler.
Last night I nearly lost my shit at my toddler at bedtime.
I’m tell you this because I hate how everyone else seems to have this perfect life and perfect toddlers who don’t make them want to scream, and shout and end up feeling like utter scum because you’re an adult and adults aren’t meant to scream at children.
How can I expect her to be in control of her emotions when she’s exhausted when I can’t even control my own?
So I walked away and left her sobbing in bed because I didn’t want to scream when I knew my temper was gone. I left Daddy to finish bedtime and I tidied up and cried as I finished the washing up.
I’m meant to be in control of myself not nearly screaming at her.
Kids can push you to your limits. I never understood quite how bad it could be. Their relentless boundary-pushing, button pushing, push, push, push until
The thought of snapping terrifies me. I’m an emergency department nurse and I’ve seen parents that have snapped. I never understood it at all until I became a parent myself, that is not to say I agree with it. The fact that I even acknowledge it within myself that it’s a possibility terrifies me.
Luckily I have my husband who completely calls me out on my ‘I’m ok’ bullshit.
I told him I feel like I’m an awful mum. L
As you can imagine I cried lots. We both acknowledged it’s a really difficult time at the minute, with Jon trying to figure out his world without his Mum, and the childcare juggle that brought about. Just to add to everything I was in a car accident yesterday and it looks likely my car is beyond economical repair.
He said I’m a good mum, but I don’t expect him to say anything else, and that it was good I walked away.
We’ve always said – make sure the kids are safe and walk away. There is no shame in it.
If you don’t feel in control of yourself it’s the safest thing you can do by far. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes. If you feel the snap coming – take a moment. If you feel the snap – just walk away.
Why can’t kids come with a manual? I could google search how to ‘fix’ the problems, but unfortunately, kids are all so different what works for one may not work for another, and let’s make clear I know this isn’t just about the kids. This is about me too.
This is only a short blog post and it isn’t a practical post, but I share this in the hopes that someone else acknowledges this within themselves and they don’t feel like the only one.